Zen blurb am I heading in the right direction?

“The operation will be over soon.”

Zen.

Gedo.

Wobby Sobby.

Dog.

Car.

Cat.

Bike.

Good people distinguish things in terms of categories and groups said Confucius. Odd things, thought Stephan, laying in bed.

He got up and opened his window, it was strangely warm outside for an early February afternoon. Lighting up a cigarette butt, he lied back down. I need a shower, he thought. A commercial he saw early as a boy kept replaying in his swollen hung over head. “It’s hot Don.” “You can say that again.” “It’s hot Don.” Early morning fog brain madness. Dehydration keeping the body from obtaining the proper sleep staging. Hypoxemia kicks in and the sun burning through the window warms him enough he can’t breath, probably a touch of sleep apnea aggravated by alcohol abuse.

Out of bed.

He stepped into the shower. It was nice and warm. He thought of Viola.

He saw her again last night.

She was so beautiful...

and smelled so good.

“You should feel fine in the morning.”

She told him on the park bench that she was a prostitute.

He didn’t say anything.

He thought of Viola in the shower and started to stroke his cock, but changed his mind. He thought of how much he liked her, and she was a dirty prostitute. Used. He thought of Viola and started to stroke himself, the thought becoming unbearable because at this moment she is probably latched on to some bearded asshole with long hair yellow teeth and an enormous trust fund that plays guitar or some fuck off in a peacoat brown over coat stupid ironic glasses well kept hair and a scarf that he wore like Truman Capote with a notebook in his hand recording all the details no fuck her he changed his mind, and finished his shower.

2.

There is a for sale table outside the bookstore Tender is the Night was on top. Stephan looks the book over puts it down and picks up Lolita.

“That’s a good book”, said a voice behind him.

“Oh. Viola,” he said startled. A rush of fear and flushing flesh and sweating pores then hands the book to her. “Very erotic, funny, and a good meditation on obsession.  I can only imagine an older man and his unrelenting and heartbreaking desire for fourteen year old love interest. Viola”

“That is what it says on the back of the book. Sort of,” she said.  

putting it back on the shelf. He looked at his watch.

He sees her straddling an overweight dirty hippy with bad teeth and she is moaning her throat stretched back as she screams “OH YES”. He saw her with Alan.

“You must be on a real tight schedule. All afternoon yesterday you kept looking at your watch.”

“Oh, uh, why is that?” he replied nervously, “oh uh because I keep looking at my watch? It ‘s just a nervous habit.”

“Why are you nervous? Do I make you nervous?”

“No. I guess…I suppose not.” His head started to tingle, his face felt hot. He was panicking and he knew he was going to blow it. Every noise caused him to react. And she was so beautiful. And a whore and he is telling himself to stop don’t like her she is going to cause him anguish. He will fall for her because he is weak. He fell for her on the park bench sharing a pint of Kentucky Tavern watching the barges go by.

Wait. What?

I am in seminary school. It doesn’t matter. What am I thinking? I’m not in love with her. Fuck sake strip her down take her looks do you love her now? How the brown caramel color of her neck...I have to externalize the pain and get it out or it will eat me up inside, he thought. He heard wind chimes from somewhere. He started to relax. He has only known her two days and he simultaneously hated and loved her. He would be a priest soon. He should be indifferent.

She looked so normal though. Nothing like a prostitute at all. She was wearing a brown corduroy jacket that was tight around her waist tight light blue jeans and a Grateful Dead T-shirt. Her eyes popped with Crayon perfect green and she will obsess over things that are not about you and it will bother  you. Remember, man, why you are becoming a priest. To not have to fight that battle of relationship and falling in love but he fell  in love.

Oh shit don’t look at her breast. Jesus I’m talking to them. I bet she saw that he thought.

“So do you read a lot?”she said.

“Sometimes. I can affor…d bluh bluh,” oh perfect he thought. Try not to think he thought, “ I mean I can’t really afford books so I just look at the covers, read them here, and pretend I’m shopping.”

“You know we have three libraries, right?”

“Too far.”

“One is right over there,” she pointed across the street

“I don’t either. I mean I don’t really have the time,” look at the neck. Men have kissed that neck in Spain, Stephen just knows it “have you eaten at the deli in here?’

“No, I’m broke.”

“Does that mean you’ve never eaten here because you’re always broke?” she laughed.

I’m breaking up here, he thought. “I’m always broke and I’ve never eaten here.”

When they sat on that bench watching the barges going by sharing a pint of Kentucky Tavern he felt a bit dumb but tried to maintain confidence. He spoke in short sentences and refrained from his usual factual information on trivial objects. Any anecdote at all really.

She seemed ready to get to know him. She wasn’t really for sure and could never guess how close she did get to him; that came as a surprise. Sex, Making Love and Fucking was awkward and she didn’t climax often. When she did she hit him hard.

Stephan never saw how much he would love it when she climaxed and hit him and screamed “OH YES” “I lOVE YOU” they were words that would stick with him.

But neither knew about those things yet. At that moment their future was unknown and exciting for Stephan but still with this foreboding that it was going to end and for her how would she end it. She really cared for him. But that is not their problem yet. Right now they are just trying to figure out what they are going to say to each other with innocent lies and exaggerations.

“You’re so thin. Do you ever eat?”

“People always ask me that. My metabolism is so high I burn fat standing around.”

“Right. I think you need to eat. I’ll buy you some…”

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Scott Gilliam Has Artism Part One

"No matter where you go when you die, its all just a huge buttsex party" -Scott Gilliam

Scott Gilliam Has Artism

This almost feels like cheating interviewing Scott Gilliam of Hounds and Horns & occasionally filling in with John Adkisson ‘Boro Band and J.T. Olglesby. His musical palette is extensive and sometimes strange. I was the first person to meet Scott when he moved to Owensboro from Wichita Kansas. His music represents his life. Born in San Diego his family moved to El Paso to Kansas and by some weird turn ended up here forever changing Owensboro’s music scene with his on stage personality and connection to his audience.

His first band in Owensboro, Solitary Confinement, with Andrew Owsley, Christian Dishinger and Cody Yeiser almost reminds me of the Velvet Underground. Anyone who saw them play started a band essentially kicking off Owensboro’s early ‘90s music scene. The band after breaking up started some great but lost bands like Gheppetto's Fetish, Nicklewood, and Scott’s own SonofSamiam. That’s just from Solitary Confinement and doesn’t come close to naming all the bands that he himself has inspired since. His laundry list of bands after that expanded Owensboro’s music scene like Bag Lady, Public Opinion, The Projektz, Sic Men of Asia, Affray and the Downside (while living in Louisville), The Yellow Banks Railroad Show, Tommy and the Sourmash Review, Shiroi` Akuma, The Dropouts and Crosseater and many many more. The significance is none of these bands are like the other. His solo shows are reminiscent of The Lemonheads, Dinosaur Jr., and the Grateful Dead, but to really understand Scott, especially as a singer/songwriter, you have to examine him outside of music.

Like I mentioned I was the first to meet him when he came to town and while it wasn’t the most cordial of meetings we somehow found each other at Ron’s Mob watching another seminal show in Owensboro’s early music scene Today is the Day from Nashville. That show kicked everything up a notch especially watching Steve Austin’s hands covered in blood literally just ripping out every guitar string after an especially intense set.

And so the adventure began.

While everyone else stayed in high school or went to college to make something of themselves Scott and I decided to run away with the Grateful Dead. Our bad behaviour led us to hanging out with famous icons like Hunter S. Thompson, smoking pot with Johnny Depp, played piano with Warren Zevon, and I will not get into our basic bad behaviour and the seedy side of the music culture. This is what shaped him (and me for that matter) and the music he writes.

We talk about our adventures a lot but he’s a family man now and the adventures are few and far between but that hasn’t stopped him from doing what he loves most, music, So for the first time I’m sitting with Scott to actually discuss his music.

Me: I can’t stand steril interviews so what is it that you want people to know about your music?

Scott: I do this for me and I hope everyone will like it and that they get the same vibe from my songs that I get while I’m playing them. I’m not out to be a star I just write music I want to hear. I can never say simply in one sentence on why I do it, it’s just a way I can express things like the schizophrenic voice in my head. There is no genre. It is all the same and that has played a huge part in the different styles of music that I share with a lot of friends. We all have the same problem artism. So pretty much us playing in a band is a support group for artism. But we don’t hide we want everyone to know it and feel it with us.

I can tell you the inception of all these bands where it began. Solitary Confinement I had just moved to Owensboro 12-23-91 and started school in a city school that I was convinced would be a country school. I didn’t understand the culture and there is definitely a culture or personality in this town. So I met a guy named john from kansas city and we liked a lot of older thrash bands and together we lit fires and hung out at cemeteries late at night, but I wasn’t a long hair metal guy. It was when Nirvana released Nevermind that I discovered bands like the Melvins and Mudhoney while the radio was force feeding you corporate rock. I was digging deep for different music. So I took a boat for a joyride from the marina downtown and about three in the morning it ran out of gas so we tied it to a dock by the Executive Inn and I crawled into a car to sleep but the police woke us up and they took me to the old station on 4th street. This was june of ‘92. My punishment was to take tennis lessons. The tennis instructor asked me to help another kid serve and that was Christian Dishinger. Our first conversation was about music and the second was about skateboarding. He asked me if I  wanted play music and I said yeah. They needed a bass player and I had a bass and an amp and that was the beginning of my music career here in Owensboro.

That was 22 years ago. Now Scott is best known for playing with Hounds and Horns and his occasional solo shows.

Me: Let’s jump into Hounds and Horns. I’m not so much interested in how the band was formed but why you chose to play with Charles?

Scott: Because Charles wasn’t really playing out and he gave me a copy of the Slender Regulars and back in the Martin’s days I was asked to book them. I had Laser Head from Florida, Crosswater (Scott, John Adkisson and Goro) and Slender Regulars. I want to back up to Solitary Confinement. The music was a mix of Andrew’s love of grunge and hip hop and Christian, a huge napalm death fan while I was listening to Minor Threat, Fugazi and The Circle Jerks which later influenced my other bands. This eclectic group. This introduced me to more important bands like Today is the Day Stompwater Glue etc these band put so much effort and got little back and that made me realize by playing in front of seven people in a small town they weren’t doing this to impress anyone they were doing it because they loved it. They showed me what they got.

Scott: 2 Charles was recording music in his basement called the slender regulars and he gave me a demo. So anyway I told him I really liked it would you like to jam sometime and get together and collaborate on some songs. So the original idea was he was going to record some of my solo softer acoustic stuff and at the same time he had tons of music he had recorded himself. we ended up booking a show with me opening for hounds and horns in 2010. (Note Scott has an uncanny ability to remember every date of every show he’s played as well as everyone’s birthday. I will spare you these exact details) and again in Louisville the following winter and offered to play bass for Charles and that is how I got into the band.

Me: You have a very different sound then Charles but when you both play it blends really well and like you mentioned earlier your disdain for genre’s you both have seem to broken through that threshold.

Scott: Its pretty simple because we are not writing music to sound like our influences we are writing music that is coming from a more organic place. from our hearts and minds. something different. no one wants to hear the same thing. look at Nirvana. When they broke out it almost killed music because everyone wanted to copy that sound. everyone made an attempt to fuse or mirror that sound. along with technology. technology killed the raw power of music with production techniques. Computers protools cut and paste.

First time I heard Stone Temple Pilots interstate love song it was on AM radio in the back of a police car in Virginia  and it sounded cool. The way it mashed the song into a different sound that you wouldn’t hear on FM or Hi def or CD.

This has a lot to do with HH. I spent a lot of time playing music with different time signatures and a lot of time i would sit back and listen to what i’m writing and why am i trying to make this so difficult. I now had an opportunity to go back and play bass since Crosseater and Solitary Confinement and I wanted to do that again. I wanted to write cool bass lines without any bells and whistles and Charles does the same thing. He brings an acoustic guitar a cable and just plugs in. It is simple and fun and I just wanted to play again without being the front man. shortly after that i started to write harmonies and then i ended up right back where i was making it difficult.

When you take it back to the basics. Like bands from the 50’s that is as raw as it gets. nothing is saving us there is no compression no wild effects it is just us.

We’ve been compared to Bob Dylan and Neil Young but I don’t hear what other people hear but it is definitely not an insult. If you have to use other artists to describe us it might as well be them. But that is what we do. we are a 50’s band and you have Charles’ dark side and my light side and mixed together you have hh.

The earliest thing i remember is my mom playing me a record it was the song alley cat by the jazz pianist bent fabric and somehow that triggered...after that i got a fisher price tape player and i started listening to the tapes my brothers had and it became an obsession from then on and it is not just playing music. its listening to it, if there is not music playing i’m dead. When the music stops so will I.

At this point Scott just does and says what he does and says Scott Gilliam Has Artism

i wrote a gay little poem when i was in charter hospital in louisville when I myself snapped. "something you don't realize is the beauty of the dead" said the trashman as he fingered through a paper that had reached its time.I could create a mental picture in my fucked up little head,when violently it struck me, somethings are better left unsaid.And through my struggle here on earth,more things i've come to find..like blind are how the others are,they cannot read your mind....and in my youth and even still,I am this very day...some things you hide deep down inside..you are better off to say.----

A la canona:

wide awake with a feeling of dread,

the air is thick and suffocating.

im off to meet the man,he makes or breaks the day.

short of change,but he will take it either way.

brother babies me,

drys off the tears,keeps baby happy

brother baptized me,

dipped and dabbed,dressed up in drab

tease and pies,teddies and betties

trikes and bikes,hazel and harry

evening comes and chucks at the door,

brother plays judas,inviting brutus,he dont love me no more

tops and bottoms in a ten cent pistol,

night closes in as i hear the man whistle and walk away...

a la canona...

so im sure you can make a mental picture of what its about...dont worry im not using or anything...but thats how i feel when i'm sick.

what do you think?

Music that has influenced me:

My mother playing the song Alley Cat by Bent Fabric.. Van Halen's "women and children 1st", Devo's "Oh no,its!" Those are albums. On a flight from San Francisco when I was a lad, I asked for John Anderson's  "All the people are talkin" album.. Heard the song "Black Sheep of the family" on the way to the airport and loved it... Dug the album too. I think I was 5.

When I was 7, in an effort to motivate me to get a better grade, my parents offered me a Walkman if I brought said grade up. Having a walkman in 1984 was like... Holy Shit! I'm a robot!  So... I bought John Mellencamp's Uh-huh album and Van Halen's 1984

The first bands I loved from the introduction to MTV when it started broadcasting: Talking Heads,John Mellencamp, Genesis,

Weird Al

Fuck it.. Michael Jackson

It Started when I saw the Debut of Metallica's "One" video. I picked up an acoustic and tried to find the first few notes.. And I found them. About a year before that I told my mom I wanted to learn... She showed me how to tune (I instantly forgot) and I played around with it a little and got frustrated with it... That was my mothers guitar from the 50's. It was a "Stella". Thats something most people don't know about why I chose to name her Stella... Its more to me than just a Grateful Dead tune. Anyway, it was always in the corner when I was growing up and I was always picking it up and making attempts

When I was 7, I put together a makeshift drum set out of buckets, hooked up my Lowery Micro Genie (I had learned Alley Cat by this time.. Was taking Keyboard lessons from a priest that looked like owen wilson. I never practiced jingle bells or chopsticks.. Only "alley cat". Once I had that down I never took another lesson) and set that guitar up next to it.. Along with a guitar pitch tuners(kinda like a harmonica..sort of).  I drew up tickets to come see my band and I walked up to the Circle K to put them on the counter... $10. But nobody showed

That was in El Paso

The very first band I ever formed was me, Jesse Storm and Jason Morris. We took polaroids of us looking all cool... But none of us could play worth a shit and I don't think those two even had ever touched an instrument at that time.. So .. We had some super sexy pictures but nothing to show..

The first time I head Living Colour's "cult of personality" it blew my fucking mind and I knew right then that I was going to pursue music. Asked my parents for an electric guitar for my 11th birthday. I got a Boston Terrier. I named her Sadie (i name almost everything with a name starting with s

Mom n' Dad said a guitar would just sit in a corner

When I was a toddler... I looooved musicals and was never really into cartoons

"A pirate story" was my favorite

I used to hop on my bike and go buy old records and 8 tracks at garage sales and sometimes steal change from around the house and ride my bike over the border to Juarez to get really cheap tapes... Last tapes I bought were the La Bamba soundtrack and GnR's appetite.

Growing up.. Up until around 11... I listened to a whole lot of 50's music on AM radio

Constantly recording it to tape

The same time the Living Colour album came out, my brother had INXS's KICK.. And we'd listen to it on my drive to school every morning.. That was San Angelo,Tx

The state of music now:

I think we've had a long dry spell of unoriginal, over-produced bullshit head bob music in the last decade, and I believe it is clearing up outside of radio and the moneybag music marketers... I think people miss the raw,natural sounds that once were... I know I am.

I see the younger local bands really putting in effort to write something new.. Or just, not so typical? You know? Lots of youngin's are pushing the envelope

I love that.

yeah it seems there is a rebellion almost against electronic music or heavily produced songs. Like how in ever Rage Against the Machine albums that made it a point that the only instruments on the album were guitars, drums, and vocals

The energy,the lust for, so... The luster? Um.. You know.. It was all lost by people sooo eager to use all this new technology... The science and exploration of all that rapidly growing technology wasn't complete and still isnt... I did/has/ and can make cool shit... And hope that eventually folks will cool off on being the first to put that shit to use.. I believe we'll be laughing about all of that later down the road.

I love quite a bit of electronic music! But again, i think I make my point above

Sorry.. It* did/has and can"

And its different strokes for different folks... I like raw uncut music... I get off on the sound... I'm anticipating people using the hi tech shit sparingly and capturing the true awe of the ringing and ... All the anomalies that are easily swept away... The power of it..

First rap album I owned was called Kings of Rap. It was the shit.. I believe that was around 83/84 too. Then Run DMC's "Raising Hell". Its still classic

Then.. Of course "Licensed to Ill" i was 10.. I remember driving back from the commissary on Ft Bliss AFB where I bought it with my Mom. We're up on Rim Road in the Franklin mountains (el paso is divided by the mountains .. So theres and east and west) overlooking Juarez, and thinking "I'm gonna jam the SHIT out of this when I'm cruising in my car in 6 years!!!"

Mom turns to me and break the daydream with "Did he just say his mother smokes dust?"

Breaks*

I never liked rap rock after Anthrax's collab with Public Enemy

However I did like the first Rage album

But theres a difference

It was good collabs with good bands and good hip hop artists

Interesting and experimental

My favorite rap artists were EPMD,KRS1 with Boogiedown Productions,Public Enemy,and of course NWA and Geto Boys... All that was up until the hip hop evolved some more.. Around 89/90... At that time my mixed tapes were of DRI,Geto Boys,Gone,Descendants,NWA,Testament,Public Enemy,Cramps... I've been pretty musically fucked from a very young age.. Its pretty common to listen to different stuff... But my tastes don't have any border

I loved Ziggy Marley back then, which turned me on to Bob and Peter, and Eek-a-mouse and Buju...

Word.

I think music basically took a huge shit and died about the time Jerry Garcia died. I think we're seeing a new musical revolution with more people dabbling outside the box both with what they listen to, and how they express themselves through music. I think that because we are still hearing stuff from way back..(Jimi,Doors,Zeppelin, Even Bill Monroe..) it opens the younger audiences interests and kind of cleanses their pallet.. Whether they like it or not

Bout the same time technology got a boner fucked its ass

Got a boner AND..

I call bullshit on "selling out". I have friends who say Perry Farrell sold out and I just don't see it that way. He used to suck cock for drug money. If I used to do that, I wouldn't give a shit what people thought about how I handle my material. I'd turn the songs into commercials,jingles,sitcom theme music,movies..its about feeding yourself and providing for loved ones and improving your situation. The more your music is played,the more you profit from your craft,more doors are opened for opportunities to grow your empire... While you're doing what you love. Yes I think there are music bitches out there... Sell outs, I don't know about that. I read an interview with Kid Rock where he said something along the lines of "sure my music is gay trash. But if you could sit down and write a song in 15 minutes that will earn you millions.. You'd do it too." I'm not a Kid Rock fan, but I know there's a lot of people who are. I see tons of fake ass shit going on in music..  Both mainstream and underground, so its kind of silly to hate a band or artist for being successful. Its up to the listener to decide whether somebody sucks. I've met some of my major influences and hey, Some were super cool! Some were dicks, and a couple couldn't give a shit either way about anything at all. And we all know when we hear the artists/bands who are being pumped into our ears.. Mass mainstream mind control shit. Its usually shit anyway.. I like Katy Perry though. Everyone's a critic. I make fun of my favorite bands as much as bands I don't like. Its all in the business practice ... Or how they handle it.  Integrity, etc..  Did I already say "look at lil wayne".

I honestly think that you might be on to something there. I think I was more creative when I was younger, and I find it harder and harder as life goes on.. To be perfectly honest, how in the hell would we know wether its the drugs or just time thats eating our minds? I have used drugs to give me inspiration, And inspiration has come to me during a binge. Do I think it helps me create? Not at all. Do I use it as a tool of my trade? Yes, Sometimes I do. A little puff here and there tends to help reset the mind when you're writing and you get stumped.

you have a great stage presence. What is it like for you on stage?

I'm having a panic attack the entire time.

Thats why I'd rather be a songwriter.

Here, buy this song. Thanks.

really, lol, i would too, although I've found that if I'm on stage with people i'm close to, I feel really comfortable.

Thats not entirely true

what are some seminal points in your life besides the birth of your children and marriage, what are some things that changed you or just really good times that you won't ever forget?

Sometimes I have control of where its going.. Control of the environment, vibe, etc. When all cylinders are pumping it can be a real joy. But it always starts out with fear.

I find I'm more comfortable playing for complete strangers

They dont know me at all... So they have no idea who I am. Its a great mask.

I have enjoyed many things throughout my life... So many of these experiences shaped  me for the better and for the worst

yeah i've talked to Daniel (yellow tie guy) about touring with him so I can practice in front of people that don't know me. Can you list a few of these experiences.

My Aunt Carol's death, Moving every few years, death of friends, hitch hiking all over the place, eating out of trash cans, touring with all the heads. Theres a lot of big things as well as small things. We talked a while back about something along these lines..  About what I think of myself as a person.. And I explained why I don't think I'm such a great person.. But I'm working on it.

Every moment has significance... We'd be here all night

Who was your Aunt Carol and why did her death affect you so much? This is the first I'm hearing of this and I know a lot about you

Minneapolis had a significant impact.

Well, Aunt Carol was the first funeral for a loved one that I attended.

What was Minneapolis? I remember you were forced to sing a song by Prince while you were there, care to elaborate on Minneapolis?

I ended up there after the 95' summer tour. I had met a puerto rican girl in a landfill outside of Detroit on Jerry's birthday.. I was hitching out of deer creek after the gate rush since the next show got cancelled and heading to St.Louis. The girl who picked me up so happened to be the girl I met in the landfill

Anyway, I ended up staying there with her... Then she kicked me out. So I stayed with the squatters and met some very very interesting people.

In uptown

Like Prince lol

you were there when i had the acid trip in louisville that forever changed my brain. it was pretty intense for us all but you held it together pretty well but your anxiety also started to increase. What was that night like for you?

I would spare change outside his club "First ave" and walk past the paisley peacock on the way from uptown... They'd hand out tickets to shows out front sometimes.   I saw the Circle Jerks with Debbie Gibson... Buncha punk

That night was terrifying. Everybody was vomiting but me. And the fact that they were vomiting diamonds and flowers and shit like that didn't help

I definitely held it together though

Nobody was

Or did

yeah it was bad. shortly before that you got jumped by some neo nazi's after or during or before a big punk show. what happened?

My girlfriend at the time took some fresh blotter a few days later and it blew her mind .  It was like an exorcism... Scared the hell out of me. I saw her scream and levitate.

I got jumped by some nazi's at Sloppypalooza 96' in Indianapolis.. I never saw it coming.

They attempted to murder me. Crushed my jaw... Popped my eye out.. But I fucking lived.

That definitely changed my life.

Drank my food for 3 months

Last night a short guy disrespected a friend and I intervened. I could see my role as River Phoenix's character from "Stand by me" but I see myself as more of a Corey Feldman as "Mouth" in the Goonies.